2021 Update (more water issues)

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2021 is certainly remembered for one major "house" event. It altered our lives in a major way, especially regarding our ongoing renovation. On June 8, 2021, while Cindy was busy throwing a birthday party for a friend at a nearby restaurant and I was out of town working, the water line from the street exploded just inside the wall of the house. Fortunately this happened while a friend was staying with us. He was home at the time when he heard something crash to the ground. I received a rather panicked phone call which I could barely understand over the sound of water spraying at high pressure. Our friend was desperately trying to shut off the water in the utility room where it is piped in from the street.

The problem was the shutoff valve was on the other side of the break. This meant the water had to be shut off at the street. Well, I had not purchased a tool for this. I mean, why would I need it? As I struggled to fix this problem from 120 miles away, I remembered Alan! I quickly called Alan, the man we bought the house from who lives a couple miles away. A retired Army Ranger, Allen was the life saver of the moment. He drove straight over and shut the water off with using big wrench. 

Unfortunately, the water had already been spraying at high pressure into our 1st floor utility room for approximately 45 minutes. Even worse, the spray was deflected by another pipe which directed part of the stream upwards into the the ceiling of the next room. This 45 minute deluge caused enough damage to call in the professionals. They set up dehumidifiers and fans in every space on the 1st floor. The entire downstairs was a disaster! After several days of drying out they returned. Most of the moisture was gone. However, the tile in the downstairs bathroom was removed because they could NOT get it to dry out. Oh well.... that meant another space was about to get RENOVATED! 

The downstairs bathroom-before

This bathroom probably looked OK in the early 90's....well maybe not even then. The tile was laid poorly, leaked into the framing and it was ripe for destruction.

We made quick work of demoing the downstairs bathroom. We took it down to the studs and removed all the old tile and shower pan. It was not well built and evidence of leaks were everywhere. 

The show pan took very little effort to demo

It was absolutely time to tackle this project, even though we did NOT have this area in our immediate plans. 

After the insurance adjuster wrote us a check we paid the cleanup company and I decided to use the rest of the $$ to buy materials for the bathroom renovation. I would do all the work myself. This would allow us to tackle a few other projects and take advantage of the storage unit paid for by the cleanup company. 

Acoustic Ceiling Paradise

Ever since we moved in to the house in June of 2016, we hated the downstairs ceiling. It was acoustic tile with 3 or 4 different style tiles. It looked terrible and smelled nasty as well. This included three bedrooms, the hallway, the downstairs kitchen and another 25x 25 space. Because of the flood and ensuing cleanup, the entire downstairs had been almost emptied of furniture. This was our CHANCE!

Not only where we getting rid of the drop tile ceiling, I was going to frame in a sheetrock ceiling at the full height of the bottom floor, 10 feet! Of course there was HVCA ductwork to frame around and some of it I even had to modify or raise. However, the end result is a much more open space and interesting lines. I was able to raise the ceiling from 8 feet to 10 feet. 

The bathroom renovation actually took precedence and was completed before I framed in the new downstairs ceiling. We decided to go mid-century modern with the design. The tile choice was black white and grey and all hexagon.

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The new shower pan has been poured, the waterproof liner installed and the sheetrock has been replaced. The new ceiling has also been framed and sheet-rocked.

This was a challenge to install. It is very hard to keep lines straight and level. In the end I was glad we did it. As with the rest of the 1st floor, I framed in a new hard ceiling to replace the old acoustic tile. There was plumbing in the way from the main floor above but I was still able to raise the ceiling to 9 feet. I added proper GFI outlets to the vanity counter space as well. 

One of the weird design flaws of the bathroom space was the shower space. It didn't leave enough room for a proper vanity without the vanity encroaching into the shower opening. We found a cool mid century credenza on facebook market and decided to convert it to a vanity. The challenge was finding a sink that would fit. The credenza was only 19" deep which worked well in the space but meant making many modifications to fit modern plumbing. Fortunately with modern online shopping you can specify very specific dimensions in searches and I was able to purchase the perfect sized sink. It works great!

Once the 1st floor ceiling was framed and ready, I picked up 55 sheets of sheetrock and stacked them just outside the entrance to the bottom floor. I hired an excellent sheetrock crew to hang and finish the ceiling and wall extensions (because we raised the ceiling 2 feet there was a 2 foot section of sheetrock needed on the walls). These guys did in about 16 hours what it would have taken me 100's of hours to do, and they did excellent work which is important to me. I hate sloppy sheetrock work! All the lines are perfectly straight just like I framed them. 

There was only one, rare closet on the entire 1st floor space. It was under the stairs and stretched the entire depth of the staircase but only about 3 feet wide.

The door to this closet was at the long end making it difficult to use. If you needed something it was so narrow that getting to anything was a problem. I decided to move the door to the side and make it a 5' bifold allowing plenty of access to the space. However, after I cut the opening I noticed something. I realized the stairs were an interesting feature. Well, not in the current ugly, un-painted state, but the potential was there for a very cool space. I envisioned a place for book shelves with a reading nook and a sconce light next to a cozy chair perfect for hiding away with a good book. Cindy loved the idea so we decided to convert this rare closet to a living space. I did wall in the lower part under the stairs as storage so we didn't lose much there. After this space is finished and the shelves are installed it will still hold as much as before only now it's an open and interesting feature to the space.  

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The sheetrock installers where a fun to watch. These guys worked efficiently and with amazing skill.

To make the main room more efficient we added plenty of LED can lights so it's is nice and bright and for storage, a closet by the outside door and also by the bathroom door. I properly trimmed out the window and added modern blinds. The pool table was uncovered, cleaned and properly positioned and a mid century light fixture hung above. To finish off we added vinyl plank flooring. A lot of it! Warmer than tile in the winter, it's also softer to walk on. 

Finally we were able to move everything back in from the storage container. It was great to see the space complete. The two remaining downstairs bedrooms will be next to get a "ceiling lift" but this will need to wait until the rooms are vacant as we currently are hosting some family members in transition. 

Before

After

Before

After

REPLACE IT!

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An example of healing from the past

April 5, 2020

Note:  I have abbreviated some names with initials in the event this is read by any of my ex-husband’s family.  I insist that everything recorded here is true & not a word is exaggerated in any way.  

I am going to attempt to pen a most extraordinary event that took place when my daughter Ashley’s third baby, Beckham was only 2 weeks old.  This piece is entitled, “REPLACE IT!” But in order to effectively convey the full impact of what was being “replaced,” I must first recount the most horrible day of my life and the coldest, most heartless thing that has ever been done to me.  Unfortunately, this direct hit came from my own husband when my third child Rachel was only one day old, April 6, 1993.  Picture with me a young mother sitting on the edge of her bed at home, rocking a fussing, one-day-old baby daughter in her arms, her 5-year old son & 3-year old daughter running up and down the hall playing.  It’s early in the morning, but the weary mother has already been up half the night nursing her baby every couple of hours.  She is looking forward to an opportunity to grab a much-needed nap when a sister in law or her mother in law comes to help her with the new arrival…. 

As I sit on my bed, exhausted, but happily reflecting on the events surrounding the relatively short and easy home-birth of my second daughter Rachel the morning before, my husband C. walks in and announces that he is leaving for work.  Stunned, all I could croak out was, “What??”  He repeated, “I’m going to work.”  To say I panicked would be an understatement.  However I managed to remain calm.  I knew after being married to this man for seven years that if you wanted to get through to him you had to spell things out slowly and calmly.  I said, “C., please call one of your family members to come over and help me.”  He responded, “Cindy you can’t talk to my family the obnoxious way you do and expect them to rally around you just because you had a baby.”  I shut my eyes as I felt my face flush.  If I had not just pushed a baby into the world a little over 24 hours ago, I honestly think I would have jumped up and tried to kill him.  Our entire marriage had been characterized by little more than hours & hours of laborious therapy, never having enough money, no goals set (unless I set them), broken appliances, living in unsafe fixer-uppers, the list goes on & on.  I always felt like I was married to a teenage boy who wanted to work as little as possible and then go hang out with his dad, brothers & sisters.  When he was at home his time was spent watching football, writing music, and eating.  Although the man was almost 40 years old, he absolutely loathed sitting down to discuss normal adult issues.  I stayed off-balance, angry and embarrassed in front of my friends and family.

I was getting desperate but I forced myself to hold my tongue.  I replied, “C, as tired as I am, I don’t think I will be giving your family members any grief today.  I’m sure your mother is not doing anything.  Please call her.  Or your sisters.  Or somebody. Please!”  “They will come over if they want to,” he retorted.  Then he turned and walked away.  I felt myself begin to shake.  A few seconds later he stuck his head back into the bedroom and tossed a bundle of papers onto the bed.  “By the way, tell Jill this has some mistakes in it she needs to correct.” I heard his heavy footsteps make their way down the hall as he said goodbye to Eric & Ashley and slammed the garage door. 

The house shook.  It felt like the loudest door slam I had ever heard.  I was used to being alone much of the time in the countryside of Nolensville Tennessee with my two children, but this morning I was facing a whole new level of responsibility.  My mother in Atlanta Georgia had been battling multiple myeloma (bone cancer) for the past six years and was too weak to come up and help me.  Dad was helping her as much as he could so he could not come up either.  Side Note:  Mom died just four weeks later.  On the other hand, my husband’s parents lived nearby in Franklin, along with his two sisters & two brothers.  All of them were married with families except one brother.  

As the sound of the door echoed through my head I realized I was truly alone and needed to think fast.  Surely one of my sisters in law or my mother in law would call me soon.  But now I needed to get up and take care of the business at hand, namely feeding Eric & Ashley breakfast.  But I was so exhausted, my head was spinning.  The small bedroom was still littered with the remnants of a home-birth – a stack of baby blankets, full trash cans, plastic pans, my dresser covered with squirt bottles, bags of supplies & various medical implements.

Nevertheless I took a deep breath, asked God to help me, and I stood up. I set Rachel down on the bed, cleaned myself up as best as I could, put on some clothes, fixed breakfast for Eric & Ashley, and called Holly Tree Day Care in Brentwood to see if I could bring Eric & Ashley over for the day so I could get some sleep.  I told them about my situation and they said of course I could bring the kids over.  So I got them ready, packed lunches & snacks, bundled the baby into her car seat, and headed over to Holly Tree which was about 30 minutes away.  I dropped them off, drove back home, nursed Rachel and fell immediately asleep.  Still no phone call from any of my husband’s family.  

Long story short, the next couple of days are a blur of calls from one angry Jill G. who was ready to hire a hit man to take out every H., my feelings of disappointment & anger, my poor mother on the other end of the phone crying & shouting, “That damned B.H.!  Here I can’t do anything for you and she’s right around the corner and won’t lift a finger!”  The midwife called that afternoon to follow up with me, to which I replied, “Well, I’m cleaning & vacuuming &…..”  She asked where my husband’s family was, and I quietly said, “I don’t know.”  To say she was furious is an understatement.  “Those damned H’s!!  What is wrong with them!”  which unleashed yet another wave of sobs.  She & her assistant both raced over and ordered me back to bed, which was a good thing because I had already begun cramping & passing rather large blood clots.  They took turns holding Rachel and cleaned my entire house.  Jill called Belmont Church, told them the H's were not planning anything and organized food service & hospitality for the next two weeks.  Precious women I had never met before brought food & groceries for us.  

I do remember one sister in law bringing over a pot of soup two days after Rachel was born and another one asking if I would like for her to take Eric & Ashley for a few hours one afternoon, but that was it.  I didn’t see either of my husband’s parents until one week later.  ONE WEEK!!!  This entire event communicated loud & clear how this family felt about me.  To say these people are experts in the area of “passive-aggressive punishment” is an understatement.  My husband’s brother called one day following Rachel’s birth and asked to speak to C.  He did not ask how I was doing, or how Rachel was doing; oh no, he asked how C was doing. I recall him saying, “C must be really tired!”  I asked, “Why do you think C would be tired?”  To my utter amazement he said, “After writing that Mass.”  Sidenote:  My husband had been working on setting the Catholic Mass to music all throughout my pregnancy & believe me, he received his fill of attention & adoration from his family.  So when his brother said that, I rolled my eyes & thought, “Didn’t I just have a baby? Nah, I must have imagined it.” 

These are the things that stand out in my mind in the days & weeks that followed Rachel’s birth.  In my opinion, the unbelievably cold way my husband acted and the way his family neglected me & the children was 100% inexcusable and it is my prayer that when they stand before Almighty God, He will call them all into account for it.  I wish I could say they have made up for any of that or redeemed their behavior in any way in the last 26 years, but sadly they have not.  C has never been a loving, attentive father and after I left him in Dec of 1994 I never heard from any of the H’s again, except for a few calls from Uncle P to Eric in high school.  Very strange family.  

Friends of mine have suggested over the years that my ex-husband is “on the Spectrum” with Asperger’s Disease and that may be why he is so self-focused & cold.   Ashley also suggested it recently so I decided to check out a list of the symptoms of Adult Asperger’s.  I agree 100%. I always knew something was not right with him. Any husband & father who felt perfectly fine about leaving his wife alone with a 1-day old baby & two small children in the country, blatantly refusing to call anyone even when his wife begs him to, is a sick person.  This conclusion also explains why his mind twists & distorts reality so far from what is true.  Will he ever be confronted & diagnosed?  I doubt it. Will his family make excuses for him forever?  Probably.

Fast-Forward 26 years to February 2020, Cincinnati, Ohio.  Ashley is now 29 years old, Rachel is 26.  Ashley is married with three children, the last of which has just come home from two weeks in & out of hospitals.  I have been in Cincinnati for two weeks helping her at the hospital, cleaning her house, folding & organizing clothes, doing dishes and all the other things a mother does when her daughter has a baby.  Unfortunately neither Ashley nor Bradley had stayed overnight at their house much during the two weeks following Beckham’s birth.  He had some problems that needed to be addressed, but now everyone is home.  

So allow me to paint a picture of what’s going on and you will see why this hit me SO hard.  It’s morning, I’m sitting on Ashley’s bed holding the baby and Ashley has just gotten out of the shower. I watch her from behind, so beautiful and muse how she has always been shaped just like I am.  Primrose & Lincoln are running up and down the hall.  All of a sudden it hits me like a ton of bricks:  Oh no!  Here I am again!  I’m sitting on the bed holding the third baby and the other two are running up & down the hall!  Oh no! Not again!  But before I have even a half-second to fall headlong back into the grievous memory, a familiar voice in my heart intercepts my thought and urgently speaks:  “Replace it! Replace it!”  But what was the difference between that horrible scene in Nolensville 26 years prior, and this scene now?  Ashley’s husband was chasing the two kids up & down the hall!  Ashley’s husband STAYED!  He did not abandon her, even though he would have been justified in going back to work because I was still there.  He had already taken two weeks off, tirelessly helping with everything he could possibly help with, being a strength & comfort to Ashley, bringing her food, wine, flowers, chocolates, you name it.  Complete opposite of the punishment I had endured. 

I shut my eyes there on that bed rocking the baby and didn’t even have to imagine myself back there in Nolensville because the parallels were already perfectly in place.  Right that minute, under the gentle instruction of the Holy Spirit, in my mind I picked up their bedroom & hall in Cincinnati and set it down over the top of my former bedroom & hall in Nolensville.  I replaced the old with the new, and inserted a husband & father that STAYED.  I was unable to hold back the deep sobs of a wife & mother that had been so wounded, so betrayed, but was now being healed.  Holding that third baby close, I could almost literally feel cool, healing water flood that old bedroom, washing away the hurt & fear, replacing it with peace & joy.  Ashley turned to ask me what was wrong and I struggled through tears & laughter to explain what was happening to me!  It was indeed glorious.

Some events in life are so traumatic you never have a chance to redeem them; you must simply forgive the perpetrators and move on with your life.  C. continued to make life miserable for our children & me after the divorce, rarely offering help in any way.  He consistently put himself and what was convenient for him at the forefront of everything he did.  We all suffered.  He truly is the living definition of clueless & self-absorbed.  I continued to forgive him over & over, teaching my children to do the same, until Rachel graduated from high school and we were finally free of the court-ordered parenting plan.  

As for the heartbreak surrounding Rachel’s birth, over the years I have tried my best not to dwell on it.  When Ashley & I concluded that C. was mentally ill, that conclusion offered us a legitimate, labeled category in which to file the years of bizarre behavior. I was then able to go down my mental list of things he had said, done (or not done), and “file” them in the Mentally Ill box.  I also remember making a conscious decision to release him from all expectations except the mandated child support.  The kids & I had discovered over the years that he could not be trusted, nor could he be relied upon to behave like a mature adult, let alone a father.   But when Prim was born & then Lincoln a year later, the familiar sting crept back in as I observed how lovingly attentive Bradley was to his family in comparison to how blind C. was to us.  I had to quickly picture that Mentally Ill/No Expectations file box.  But in my heart, I knew I had been robbed by my husband of the joy & excitement I should have been able to experience with the birth of a child, and I would never, ever be able to get that time back.  But now, because of the deep healing ministry the Lord orchestrated for me in those precious moments sitting on my daughter’s bed 26 years later, I never have to re-live the pain of that day again.  I have REPLACEDIT!

Beam Me Up Scotty

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The bottom floor of our home consists of 3 bedrooms, a kitchen, a full bath, utility room and a large open space. The open space used to be 2 bedrooms that were removed by the previous owner. They had to leave a couple of posts to support the structure above.

We use the space as a recording studio and for parties enjoying the pool table. We needed to be able to open the space, move the pool table to the side and make room for musicians.

One post we easily removed but the other was supporting a 20 foot span of the main floor above. To fix this we needed some engineering help from the professionals. I spoke with an architect then called Husky Lumber in Franklin, Tn. They were able to price me a beam solution that would be more than enough to cover whatever crazy party of people we might ever have in the living room above.

The post colored red needed to go!

 

Fortunately I have strong friends. It took us an hour to get the first of the twin beams in place. The second took only 15 minutes... because after almost dropping the first beam and being crushed....we had the process figured out. I did actually have a rope holding this beam though it looks like my friends are doing all the work! They would tell you the rope was for show only.

And finally the beams are installed!

The resulting beams sandwiched together are 8 inches thick. The next step was drilling a few holes through 8 inches of wood to run some wire through. After the ceiling tiles were put back in place I was able to move things around in the studio area without those pesky poles! Look at the before photos to see the way we opened up the room.

Before and after

 

And after

This shows the post as it connects to the next level above. When these beams arrived by truck they were HEAVY! I could have rented a beam lift to help get them into place. Noooooo. I had other ideas that would save money. I should have rented the beam lift!

Before I could install the beams I had to cut slots for them next to the existing 2x10 beams. The photo below shows the space to the right of the existing beams ready for the new beams.

The beams are installed!

 

There is still plenty to do but being able to use the open space is amazing. 

What Do We Call This Room?

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Is it a laundry room, bathroom, mud room or utility room?

When we moved into this delightful fixer-upper in 2016, we were already familiar with a few of the many challenges we would be facing in our brave attempt to pull it into the 21st century.  Some were simple cosmetic alterations, but more had to do with the actual design of the house. Two of the original design curiosities were the location of the master bathroom, and the laundry room. 

Let's begin with the master bathroom. For some unknown reason the builder of the house had decided it was a great idea to place the master bathroom at the opposite end of the house from the master bedroom, just inside the back door across from the kitchen.  

The former “Country Style” master bathroom

The laundry room was on the bottom level in a room also used as a second kitchen for downstairs renters. So you must go up and down the stairs to mind your laundry. Also, there had been no dryer ventilation designed into the house. The dryer vented into a Rubbermaid tub with water in it and holes in the lid.  The humidity in there was terrible when the dryer was on! 

So we devised a plan that would fix several issues in one:

  1. The former parlor adjacent to the master bedroom would be converted into our new master bathroom. It's a huge space which means we could add a walk-in shower, separate tub, dual-sink vanity and walk-in closet. 

  2. The old master bathroom would become the laundry room. By stacking the washer and dryer we were able to keep the space as a full bathroom, + washer/dryer + utility sink and folding counter. The original built-in cabinetry was removed and a modern space-efficient cabinet was designed, built and installed (thanks Dad!). The dryer now vents out the exterior wall properly.

There was much more to this wonderful (and sometimes downright disgusting) reconstruction  - - including installing a pocket door, tile, tile and more tile in both rooms, scraping OFF layers of wallpaper and popcorn ceilings as well as scraping UP layers of linoleum, painting and more painting .....and the process took a full two years. 

Visit the page for the Laundry Room

Front Deck Rebuild

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This deck is almost 60 feet long! The idea here was to re-use what wood remained in good condition because wood is not free! I simply removed all the floor boards, the bad ones were tossed while the good were flipped over, trimmed of ragged edges and reused. I filled in the gaps with new boards. I also installed all the boards straight! The railing was repaired, straightened and reinforced. We also added another larger diamond shape in the railing to add to the rigidity.

Whole Life Renovation

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Hi there, this is Cindy.  I have never blogged before.  I think I have a subconscious aversion to "blogging"  because I hate the way the word "blog" sounds.  I think whoever decided to name inspiring editorials & opinion pieces "blogs," should have been sentenced to mud wrestle for 30 minutes.  Or thrown into quicksand.  Actually, "blogging" sounds like a combination of the two - wrestling around in a slop of mud & quicksand.  It rhymes with "slogging," which is exactly what I have been doing with this idea of blogging.  Why couldn't THEY (who exactly are they?) have named this category of honest, inspirational writing something beautiful?  Like....like....you know....well I can't think of anything off the top of my head.  But alas, as my dear children tell me when I ramble like this, "Mom, they don't care."

Ok so now that I've gotten that off my chest, shall we venture into the inspirational content of this message?  The reason Garrett & I named this blog....yuk.... Whole Life Renovation, is simply because we see that both of our lives are being completely renovated:  Our relationship status (we've been casual church friends for 20 years, married to other people, & now we are husband & wife - - Cindy:  "I really married the sound guy??"  Garrett:  "I really married the children's choir director??"), family (his three, my three, spouses, in-laws, & 4 grandchildren all one family now), our bodies (getting older so you have to address embarrassing issues & then buy a zillion vitamin supplements), our living location (Garrett lived in Nashville, I lived in Spring Hill, now we reside in booming - moo, baa, chirp chirp - Columbia TN in the country), careers (he left his job of 18 years to pursue something different, & I finally have lots of time to write music again), our emotional lives (getting used to feeling like a couple, letting go of the past), our spiritual lives ( thrilled that we both have the same priorities - hearts for God, family, & people), & last but not least OUR 1977 4500-SQ-FT HOUSE ON 6 ACRES.  I would say that's a "whole life renovation," wouldn't you?  

From my point of view, my biggest challenges are in my own head.  I moved to Nashville from Atlanta in 1984, excited to pursue the music business, & for two years had a ball performing, traveling & teaching.  But from the time I married my first husband in 1986 until I married Garrett in 2015 my life here has been slammed with one heartbreaking challenge after another.  Ever been to the wave pool?  The water may be calm for a few minutes, but don't let your guard down because the waves are going to start back up and you'll get hit again & again & again.  I had to be the strong organized one in my first marriage; my wonderful mother passed away during that time so I was also strong for my grieving father; after 8 1/2 miserable years I left & for 4 years was a single mother of my three little ones with no help, so I got stronger; after 4 years I married someone I deeply loved but who could never move beyond his dysfunctional past so again, the strong one; I was strong for my brother who struggled with drug addiction for years; strong for my children who suffered from bad fathering on all sides; strong for my friends; strong when my dear sweet father's health declined & he passed away; strong to single-handedly go through every thing in the house of my childhood, organize an estate sale (from Nashville), & sell my beloved Atlanta home; strong when my second husband left us.....During those final years of my second marriage God could see that I was emotionally shutting down & systematically locking my softer romantic side into a closet because my demanding life allowed no place to express it.  

I had great girlfriends, but then God surprised me, bringing two strong men into my life at the same time, who became "husbands" to me of sorts, for five years.  I was asked to be worship leader at an African church, & Pastor Blaise Katshing, a vibrant, fearless man from the Republic of Congo prayed over me many times as my pastor & loved me as my spiritual leader, healing the damage caused by my husbands.  I was also introduced to the beautiful world of ballroom dance, where God gave me a wonderful dance instructor & friend, Carl Madanchi, who taught me much more than dance steps.  On the dance floor, my soul & body were free to be beautiful & sensual.  As the situation at home was becoming more negative & hopeless, I was coming back to life more & more each day!  It was such a relief to have two strong men in my life I could lean on.  I can never thank them enough for the love they showered on me during that painful transition.

Then along comes Garrett Hestla........stay tuned!